Time

I'm thinking a lot about time this morning.  Truth be told, Cancer is going to shorten my life.  It just will.  I don't think I'm anywhere close to the end, and I am going to win this round without a shadow of doubt....but this year I feel like I actually looked death in the face for the first time.  It's made me think a lot about how I've spent my life so far and how I want to spend the rest of it.  

What has REALLY helped me realize the importance of time is the most super fantastic gifts from my ABA Warriors.  They, once again, have left me speechless but at the same time have given me the strength to keep fighting this fight.  AND, they have given me the gift of time!  Does it get any better than that?

This gift actually states it at the top "The Gift of Time".  Wow. 

This is to support my fight (I LOVE how it says BUH BYE BERTHA!) and is a donation to help find a cure for this beast that has interrupted my life, and many, many other lives.  Who knows, maybe by the time I have a relapse, this donation will have contributed to a new miracle drug that will cure me forever!

 And this is from a co-worker who was able to take advantage of this opportunity with this beautiful wife before Cancer took her from us. (RIP Alice)

Time.  I have done a pretty good job until now with seizing every moment that I can....but there has been a few years where I also got in the mode of just surviving the moment vs. seizing it.  Those days are over.  I will NOT EVER forget how precious every single moment is and will life it to it's fullest potential!  I feel a little fire burning in my belly (probably where Bertha used to be!). 

Cancer has totally, absolutely SUCKED....but there are some good things that have come from it too.  Wow.  Just look back at the images in this post....  Wow.  I got gifts of time.  Wow.  Whodathunkit?

Wow.

Wow.

WOW.

I've totally got this...

❤️,
Bubba 

This made me laugh!

I was just writing in my journal about how I need to be patient and not worry about how much weight I'm gaining during chemo.  It is what it is and I just need to chill.  Whenever my heart rate elevates right now, it makes me feel sick....so I've just been keeping it steady.  I don't do my 30 flights of stairs anymore at work....I just walk down the 15 flights + walk back up 3.  That'll have to do for now.  

I was feeling a little down about it all when I look on facebook and saw this!

OK!  OK!  *THIS* is funny!  *THIS* is exactly how I feel right now!  

I'll get my endurance back next year.  I *WILL* be able to keep up with my little speed demons on the agility field.  But for now, I just need to take it easy on myself, keep my spirits high and positive, and laugh as much as possible.

I've totally got this...

❤️,
Bubba 

The Impact of Chemo Brain

There is a documented side effect called "Chemo Brain".  Here's what Google says about it:  Chemo brain is a common term used by cancer survivors to describe thinking and memory problems that can occur after cancer treatment. 

Every Cancer survivor that I've ever talked to has had it.  My Mom had it.  I've started noticing little things here and there....but this morning...it's confirmed.  I've got it.

Here's what happened....

I was in a deep sleep when all of a sudden I woke up with a jolt because I heard it pouring down rain outside.  It was a little before 5AM.  My immediate thought was "OMG!  I HOPE I DIDN'T LEAVE MY SUNROOF OPEN ON HOT LAVA (my car)!!!"  I tried to look outside but it was too dark.  OMG!  OMG!  I can't remember if I closed it last night or not!  OMG!  I started panicking and hyper ventilating so I decided to just run outside to check it out for myself.

I ran down the stairs.
Swung open the front door.
BOLTED to the gate!
Opened it.
SPRINTED to my car! 
Opened the driver door.
Felt the roof to make sure it was closed.

WHEW!

I breathed a HUGE sigh of relief!

CLOSED!!

....it was then that it dawned on me.....because of night sweats I no longer wear PJ's (or anything else) to bed.

Thank goodness it was still dark outside.

I've totally got this...

❤️,
Bubba 

The word "fatigue" has new meaning

I had hopes of posting something like the 12 days of Living with Cancer but my brain is mush and I have a new respect for the word "fatigue".  I cannot seem to get enough rest these days.  Ugh.  My 12 goes something like this....

12 hours of sleeping.
11 minutes to feed the dogs and myself.
10 minutes to change my sheets.
9 more hours of sleeping.
8 minutes to get the energy to get out of bed.
7 minutes to feed the dogs and me.
6 minutes to respond to messages on my phone.
5 hours of sleeping.
4 hours more because 5 wasn't enough.
3 blinks of an eye and the days seem to be flying by.
2 be Cancer free is what I want to be!
1 bound and determined person that January will be the LAST chemo.  This kind of life absolutely SUCKS!

I've totally got this...

❤️,
Bubba 

My Christmas Tree this year is PERFECT!

I don't have the energy for a big Christmas tree this year, but Bailey Monster found me the PERFECT substitute!  It's PERFECT for this year!  Small, simple, Snoopy, and a bit of HOPE sprinkled in.  Yep.  PERFECT!  

And here's a few other PERFECT Christmas decorations for this year:

 I wish I could figure out how to post the video of this!  It lights up and makes me SOOOO happy!

How I am approaching EVERYTHING in life these days!  Plus it keeps my head warm!

BOOM!

 I've totally got this...

❤️,
Bubba 

The Angel Who Lifts My Spirits During Chemo

Before I express my feelings....look thru these pictures.  

Really, really look at them.  

What do you see? 

(Thank you to Wendy for capturing these moments.)

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

You see it, don't you.  The pictures speak for themselves.  Chris and I just get each other.  I love to hear all of her stories and she loves telling them to me.  But it's not just that.  She is also a superior quality nurse.  I feel safe with my life in her capable hands.  She's the whole package.  I know she is a HUGE contributor to my successful journey and for that I am FOREVER grateful!

I've totally got this...

❤️,
Bubba 

Chemo #5 is DONE! BOOM!

Chemo #5 went off without a hitch!  YEE HA!  I have no doubt in my mind that things went so well for 3 reasons:
1.  My Warriors ROCK!  The support is phenomenal!  Wendy brought me to day 2 this time and it was awesome!  ...her biggest stress was having to hold my purse during the weigh-in - LOL!
2.  My Cancer Center is the absolute BEST, from check-in to check-ups to blood draws to chemo infusion!  The smiles, conversations, and super fantastic care is the absolute best.
3.  I know my Mom is watching over me.  Especially this time.  I shared some big hair pictures w/Jennifer (yes, anything goes w/the conversations during chemo!)...who remembers my Mom from her treatment days.  My heart nearly expoded.

Only 1 more to go!  

I have totally, wholeheartedly, absolutely, positively GOT THIS!

Here's some pictures.....

Day 1 - Denise is cranking up the BUH BYE BERTHA mo-jo!

 Chris, Devinder, and Mardie double-checking my RITUXIN - Bertha HATES this drug!

 The process we go thru to make sure I'm getting the right drug.  

The superior quality is SOOO appreciated!

Check out those super cool Snoopy Christmas socks!  YES!

 Wendy and I at Chick Fil A getting ready for Day 2

 The little guy taking our picture told Wendy to move her peace sign down a little...as it sort of looked like she was picking her nose in the previous shots!  LOL!  Oh Wendy, you gotta work on that peace sign!  :)

 Had to coordinate a little for Christmas - SNOOPY SHIRT AND SNOOPY SOCKS!

...I am purposely not mentioning the angel in this picture ;)  

She's got her moment coming in the next post.  

I've totally got this...

❤️,
Bubba 

Green Light for Chemo #5!

Today was Dr. Kritz's birthday.  I don't know how I found out about that....it must have been during my Mom's treatment days.  I think he was my lucky charm because my counts were SUPER FANTASTIC today so I got the green light for chemo #5!  WOO HOO!  My liver has even stopped it's little protest.....WHEW!  

This month the amount of support I've gotten from my Warriors has been over the top super fantastic!  I wholeheartedly think that's why my counts were so ROCK SOLID today!  Cancer just CANNOT win.  Plain and simple. 

I've totally got this...

❤️,
Bubba 

Chemo #5 Week

THANK YOU for all of the offers to take me to chemo on Thursday!  My Warrior, Wendy, will be taking me!

I'm gearing up for Chemo #5 this week.  Part of me is REALLY happy and ready to get it over with - part of me is dreading it.  But have no fear, the part of me that's happy WILL win! 

Here's the schedule:

Tuesday - tests
Wednesday - day #1 of 2
Thursday - day #2 of 2
Friday - Snoopy Happy Dance because I will only have ONE MORE TREATMENT LEFT!

I'll keep you posted on my progress this week.  

I've totally got this...

❤️,
Bubba 

Day #2 of Chemo #5

I know this is short notice, but is there anybody who can take me to Day #2 of Chemo #5?  It would include picking me up at 11:30A in Wake Forest, having lunch at Chick-Fil-A by Rex Hospital (this is the tradition), then getting to Rex by 1:15P or so.  My appointment time is 1:40P.  Chemo takes, at the longest, an hour (from marinating to administration of the chemo).  We'll be outta there and back in Wake Forest by around 3P.

The date is Thursday, December 15.

If you can do this, please send me an email to bubbaloo11k9@gmail.com.

THANK YOU!

I've totally got this...

❤️,
Bubba 

I am feeling like the Grinch lately!

As I was laying down last night thinking about all that I have to be grateful for, I thought about the Grinch.  My favorite scene in How the Grinch Stole Christmas is when he is SO overcome with emotion as he watches those in Who-ville and realizes that Christmas doesn't come from a store.  He thinks "Maybe Christmas....perhaps....means a little bit more!"  And then his heart grows 3 times as big.

*THAT IS EXACTLY HOW I HAVE BEEN FEELING LATELY!*  I TOTALLY GET HOW THE GRINCH FELT IN THAT MOMENT!  

I really think my heart has grown MORE than 3 times as big because of all the support I consistently get.  It's the smiles, the sincere "How are you doing?"s, the cards, the heartfelt, absolutely PERFECT gifts I constantly receive!  HOLY WHO-VILLE!  IT ROCKS!  It's absolutely IMPOSSIBLE for Cancer to win.  Buh Bye Bertha!  My body needs more room for my big heart so you gotta go Girlfriend! 

 

I've totally got this...

❤️,
Bubba 

Listening to my body....

A Warrior posted this on facebook this morning and it's perfect.  I still have a sore throat and slight fever (although it's better than yesterday!).  Working from home and taking it easy again today.

This....

I've totally got this...

❤️,
Bubba 

Keeping Calm....

I don't feel the greatest today so am taking Tylenol as frequently as possible and working from home.  I *WILL* get better!  Grrrrrr!  Thanksgiving was fabulous and I've been feeling really good lately so I think this is just a little bump in the road....

I've totally got this...

❤️,
Bubba 

Ok, this was *DEFINITELY* motivating!

I'm feeling decent for little bursts of time today so decided to make a new model of Bertha. 
Just wanted to see where we are.

Definitely glad I did it! 

WOW!

I no longer consider her "big"!

I can hold her in one hand now.

She's about the size of a mouse.  A hockey puck. Not as big as a can of sardines!

HOLY SHRINKING TUMOR!  THIS ROCKS!!!  

Ok.  I openly admit my overreaction to "partial response".  ;)  I'll take "partial response" ANY DAY OF THE WEEK!!!

Look for yourself....pink is "before".  Beige is "now".  I'll paint "now" once it's dry.

I've totally got this...

❤️,
Bubba