Sunday, October 15, 2017

An Epiphany!

Sorry for the silence....again.  I've been in a rut.  Stuck.  But then Kris Carr posted something on her facebook page (or maybe it was an email, I can't remember) about this challenge called "Say it, Sweat it, Get It" challenge (FREE!) by someone named Erin Stutland.  It was only for a week, so I thought what the heck....

HOLY SHITBALLS!  IT WAS ABSOLUTELY AMAZING!  And today I had a GARGANTUAN epiphany!  (I have never used the word epiphany before…so this is big….I had to look it up to make sure it matched how I was feeling.  It said this:  Epiphanies are relatively rare occurrences and generally follow a process of significant thought about a problem.)  

The challenge used music and Mantras and, literally, FIVE MINUTE workouts....well, except for Monday.  Monday started with a 20-minute "Soul Stroll".  It was an absolutely INCREDIBLE WEEK!  OMG!  Today I did TWO Soul-Strolls back-to-back, one power-walking and then back at a jog!  FOR TWENTY MINUTES!  CHANTING MANTRAS OUT LOUD!  It was incredible.  Yes, people looked at me weird and I did stop the chanting whenever I passed people with small children....but I tried out the new greenway by my house and it was super fantastic.  :) 

On my way back today, while I was panting and sweating and chanting things like "I AM STRONG NOW!  I HAVE ALL THAT I NEED!" (there are lots more....), I felt like I broke free of a huge, heavy chain that was hooked to an anchor that developed during 2016.  

I LITERALLY DID!  

HOLY SHIT!  

I have been doing the challenges all week, but this weekend, while doing them again, something deep inside me changed.  This second time around, the thing that kept running thru my head was something that Erin says during the Soul Stroll.  She says:  “I know you can turn it up, even if it’s just 5%!  

I did the 4 daily challenges back to back on Saturday.  WOWSA!  It wasn’t a pretty 20 minutes, but it was my best and I was proud.  I went to yoga afterwards and raised myself a little bit higher on the lifts.  Then this afternoon I decided to do the Soul Stroll.  My plan was to do it once, at a very fast-paced walk, then turn around and walk back to Hot Lava.  However, once I got to the end, I decided to JOG back!  I was on top of the world and I didn't want the feeling to end so I just DID IT!  

AND THAT'S WHEN IT HAPPENED!!!  

I broke free!!!  On my way back I GOT OUT OF MY HEAD AND LIVED IN THE PRESENT! 

I stopped worrying about my port and if it could handle all of my movement.  
I stopped worrying about my ex.  I was on a brand new greenway which was taking me on a BRAND NEW PATH AWAY FROM HER!!    
I stopped worrying about doing something to make my Cancer spread!   Bertha and I are at peace and I know she will co-exist with me and not take over because then we BOTH will lose.

I have been really working on myself since the beginning of the year.  As you know, I changed my diet drastically and became a vegan (thanks to Kris Carr), I’ve been exercising, and working hard on finding my tribe of people who will inspire me…but I was still stuck.  I just couldn’t break free of the anchor.  I still had moments, especially at night, when I would go to that dark place.  But as I was saying the Mantras this week….they ALL hit home…and I was finally moving forward again….but it wasn’t until TODAY that it made my heart absolutely BURST!  It was that moment that I heard Erin say “I know you can turn it up, even if it’s just 5%!”…and I did.  And that was exactly enough.  BOOM!

This is after Soul Stroll #1:
*THIS* is after Soul Stroll #2!  BOOM!

 This is me, without the anchor.  
I am strong now.
I have all that I need.
I am happy, healthy, wealthy, and loved.
What I seek is also seeking me.
I make space for greatness.
I call in my success.
I focus on giving.
What I give is what I get.

I let go of the old.
I'm creating something NEW!!

There are angels everywhere!  Thank you Erin Stutland.  You came along right when I needed you most!  ❤   And I am still humongously grateful to Kris Carr for her Crazy Sexy Diet!  

Always forward, never back,
,
Bubba
CEO of Save My Ass Technologies, Inc.


Sunday, August 27, 2017

This.

Always forward, never back,
,
Bubba
CEO of Save My Ass Technologies, Inc.

CT Scan Results are in!

I got a HUGE surprise on Friday afternoon after my CT Scan...the results are in: the cells continue to DECREASE in size!  WOO HOO!!  Dr. Kritz is VERY pleased with the results!  But not NEARLY as pleased as I am!!!  

I will get the full details next Wednesday at my appointment with Dr. Kritz, but for now I'm celebrating!  Even though the pet scan in March showed no active disease, there was still some residual cells hanging around that had potential...but now that population is decreasing.  HALLELUJAH!  

I'll be honest.  Waiting for this scan to happen was harder than the Pet Scan in March.  For this one, I was having serious flashbacks to my Mom's battle.  She would get a good scan result.....wait a little while....get another scan and the beast would ALWAYS be back!  She'd try another regimen of drugs, radiation, clinical trials, radioimmunotherapy....you name it, she tried it, and NOTHING worked!  It just kept coming back and coming back and coming back....then finally her body said "ENOUGH!" and that was it.  I remember it all very well....

I was SO hopeful that if I tried a bit of a different route, plus the fact that I am a decade younger than my mom was at her diagnosis, that I could keep things stable in my body for a long time.  I've been working really hard at making MAJOR changes, the main thing being my diet.  I don't have it exactly right yet, but I'm close.  And based on the scan results, I now know I am heading in the right direction.  YES!  And I'm also cleaning out other areas of my life, like the products I use to clean my house, do laundry, clean my skin, etc.  I do yoga, work out with my dogs, meditate every night, and have started seeing a couple holistic practitioners that are helping me fine tune ALL parts of my body.  

I still have dark moments.  I still stress out over things that I shouldn't.  But I really think this scan is telling me that I'm headed in the right direction.  :)

I had a very cool chick administer my CT scan.  She let me hold my HOPE rock....but only after she held it for a really long time....looking it over, admiring the color and weight, and shape.  She believes in crystals and even showed me a rose crystal that she keeps close to her heart every day (yes, she pulled it out of her bra!).  She said she's been thru a lot and keeps it close for peace and calming.  She also recognized my pura vida bracelets and said that she wears the same.  She was the most perfect person to be giving me my scan.

Tomorrow I'm going to try something new and I'm REALLY excited!  I'm going to go on a beginners bike ride with a big bunch of dedicated bikers who like to help beginners like me.  It's actually with the Warrior who gave me the HOPE rock :)  How perfect is that?!?

 Always forward, never back,
,
Bubba
CEO of Save My Ass Technologies, Inc.

Saturday, August 26, 2017

1 year ago - 8/24/16 - chemo #1

WOW!  HOW TIMES FLIES!  It was one year ago on 8/24/16 that I was sitting at the Cancer Center, scared out of my mind, getting my first chemo.  What an UN-FUCKING-BELIEVABLE year it has been!  WOW!  If you are reading this, please hug yourself for a job VERY WELL DONE!  WOW!

My heart got a little bigger when my soulmate sent me a text because she remembered that it was a year ago.  I love you Bailey Monster Wilson!

Then my work folk gave me this...
 
 
WOW!  I wasn't sure what my path was going to be...but I never in my wildest, deepest, brightest dreams imagined that I would be standing where I am, with all the love and support that I've received.  WOW!

WOW!

You know, the perfect word to describe how I'm feeling right now is.... WOW!



Always forward, never back,
,
Bubba
CEO of Save My Ass Technologies, Inc.

My Juice Bar Warriors - Tina and Ethan

I was *BEYOND* thrilled when a Juice Bar opened about 2 miles from my house!  It's so convenient to just stop by for a large Super Greens on my way home from work.  But juice is not the only reason I stop at the Juice Bar.  Nope.  I'm addicted to something else there....

The Staff.

OMGosh!  THEY ROCK!  Whenever I stop by, they greet me with the biggest smiles that you could ever imagine!  And they *ALWAYS* ask me how I'm doing.  The other day, I walked in and a lady was already standing at the register about to order.  She stopped mid-sentence and turned around to see who had just come in because of all the FABULOUS, SUPER FANTASTIC greetings and smiles that I was getting!  She looked at me, like, "Who are you?"  I LOVED LOVED LOVED IT!  And I especially loved it because it was my last juice before my CT Scan.  My anxiety was thru the roof when I walked in to the place, but just being in the presence of my Warriors calmed me right down.  

After the lady left, I asked Tina and Ethan if they'd take a selfie with me so I could post this on my blog.  I thought Ethan was going to take the short route to get to me and just jump over the counter!  LOL!  He was BEYOND excited!  Tina was too, but she has a more mellow way of showing her emotions.  But let me tell you, if I don't stop by for a couple of days, Tina is first to jump all over me asking me for the details on where I've been and if I'm ok.

It does not get any better than this...
These two are in my heart forever. 

Always forward, never back,
,
Bubba
CEO of Save My Ass Technologies, Inc. 

Sunday, August 20, 2017

Scanxiety has begun....

Friday is my next CT Scan.  I want to know what's going on, but it's still an emotional event to prep for.  I've been focusing on my diet and wellness, been keeping myself surrounded by happy, positive people, but it's still tough to prep for these milestones.

I had a very interesting stranger cross my path during a meditation event.  We talked about my battle and she had a very different opinion about how I should be addressing Big Bertha.  When you do yoga and meditation, it's all about peace.  And her idea was that Big Bertha is always going to be with me.  I have an incurable type of Cancer.  That's a fact.  But what I *CAN* do is control how I feel about that.  If I make peace with Big Bertha, let her know that she is welcome and that we are partners, it would make things a lot more positive in my head.  And the more positive I am in my head, the healthier my body becomes.  Hmmmmm...  That makes a lot of sense.  I can tell her that she is welcome to split cells into Cancer if that's what she feels the need to do, but just so long as she keeps it under control and doesn't take over TOO much of my body.  Because if she does that, then we will both suffer the consequences.  However, if she behaves herself, we BOTH win.  Hmmmmm...  It was an interesting conversation and has got me thinking VERY differently.  And it is true that because of her, a lot of VERY GOOD things have happened in my life...

So here's my picture for today....


Always forward, never back,
,
Bubba
CEO of Save My Ass Technologies, Inc.

Saturday, July 15, 2017

One year ago...

Wow.  What a year.  It's been exactly one year ago today that I heard the words "You have Cancer.".  MAN WAS I EVER PISSED!  I remember thinking to myself....how the hell can she (she being my OB-GYN) know I have Cancer from just an ultrasound?!?  She should be more careful about just throwing that word around.....  I promptly got on the phone and called my Primary Care Physician because she had pulled me thru my relationship crap and I had gotten quite close to her.

To my dismay I learned that ultrasounds have come quite a long way since my Mom was diagnosed and, yes, in fact you CAN tell if a mass is Cancer.

FUCK!

I absolutely did NOT know what to do.  I remember just looking up to the sky and screaming "REALLY?!?!".

Fast forward to today.  This happened this morning....

 



And the grand finale for extra credit....I did this!  In purple spandex!  WOO HOO!!!  

 I then went to visit my tie dye dude at the flea market to tell him I survived!  He was estatic.  I have 3 new tie dye shirts.  I also ran into an agility friend at Sassool by coincidence so we had lunch together!  She knew my parents so it was no coincidence that I happened to run in to her TODAY.
I could have shriveled up in to a dark corner and just given up on life last year.  I sure had PLENTY to kick me down....but instead I choose life!  And I.... 

Bertha, you are not welcome here anymore.  

Always forward, never back,
,
Bubba
CEO of Save My Ass Technologies, Inc.

Saturday, July 8, 2017

A day filled with beauty and peace

WOW!  What a fantabulous day today!  This morning started early with a 5K, followed by yoga (my first time ever), then finishing with a sound bath meditation.  I am not kidding when I say this...I walked away from this event feeling better than I have in my entire life!  Something really, really, REALLY good is going on inside and I am LOVING it!  

For one thing, I am surrounding myself with happy, positive people who bring out the best in me.  It makes a HUGE difference!  And when I'm at peace, people just gravitate to me.  For the 5K, I was walking with a friend who is as directionally challenged as I am....but we had these two Indian ladies walking with us, total strangers, who kept us on track.  We joked that she was our living, breathing GPS!  We'd get ahead of them, start jibber-jabbering, forget where we were, then when we came to a fork in the path, the lady behind us would yell "RIGHT!" or "LEFT"!  LOL!  Then when we came towards the end she encouraged us to take the long way back to the parking lot to get the yoga mats because then we'd seize every moment that we could!  These ladies were fantastic and I really think I will see them again.  They are in the yellow and gray t-shirts behind the lady w/the sign.  My 80's ladies are the 3 directly behind me. 

Following the event I stopped at the new juice bar in Wake Forest and gave my body some fresh greens!  YUM!

For the afternoon, I took my neighbor out for an adventure and we found the sunflower fields!  WOWSA!  They were absolutely STUNNING!  Taller than last year!  WOW!
 This one is my absolute FAVORITE!  All you can see is my peace sign!  LOL!

 

And then to wrap up the day, the most majestic butterfly decided to stop by and smell my wildflowers.  It was the most beautiful that I have ever seen.  She had 4 wings and her colors were so vibrant that they made my eyes leak a little.  Nature is so beautiful!  She flew all around me, smelling a lot of the different flowers.  I said to her out loud "you're welcome for the flowers!" :)  It was magic.


The best thing I can do to keep Bertha and all her little wannabees from becoming active again is to keep myself healthy and happy.  Today during the sound bath I imagined my body fighting all the Cancer cells.....and winning....  

Bertha, you are not welcome here anymore.  

Always forward, never back,
,
Bubba
CEO of Save My Ass Technologies, Inc.

Tuesday, July 4, 2017

What The Health?

I watched this show today on Netflix and am more convinced than ever that the Crazy Sexy Diet is the way to go!  ABSOLUTELY!  WOW!

 



Bertha, you are not welcome here anymore.  

Always forward, never back,
,
Bubba
CEO of Save My Ass Technologies, Inc.

July 1 is significant

July 1, 2016 marks the day that Dr. Gizzie said the word "Oh." in a way that I will never, EVER forget.  
That was the first moment that Big Bertha was acknowledged.  
It was the day my life took a completely unexpected left turn.  
I had absolutely NO IDEA that what my OB-GYN was feeling was a big ass tumor of Follicular Non-Hodgkin's Lymphoma and that I was about to learn the core meaning of life. 
I had just been thru a living hell during the first half of 2016 so I really didn't take what Dr. Gizzie felt seriously.  I was seeing 3 therapists and working so hard on my mental health that I just nodded my head when she told me I needed to go get a ultrasound....

Yea.
Whatever.

Thank GOD that I kept that appointment.
Thank GOD that thru all those therapy sessions I had managed to pick up all the pieces of my life and put them back together differently.  This "new" me was stronger.  MUCH, MUCH STRONGER than I had ever been before.  This new me could handle a diagnosis of Cancer.

I truly believe that there are no coincidences in life.  Everything happens for a reason and sitting here on my porch, hanging out with my pack o' crazy dogs, I must say that life is better than it's ever been....

The people who are in my life right now are AMAZING!  I LOL every single day!
My relationship with my soulmate is better than it's ever been!  I canNOT WAIT to help her plan her wedding!
I actually wore a tank top and SPANDEX out in public, plus my hair was in a headband!  And by the time I got home my stomach hurt because I laughed so much it, literally, hurt!

Yes, I've lost a couple Warriors along the way, but that's their problem, not mine.  The old me would have fretted and worried and jumped thru hoops to make that better...but then that also meant that I was not being my true self.  I was being whatever I thought that person wanted from me so they would still love me.  Now I stand strong on my own and let that shit go.

I went to a birthday party last night and the birthday boy was asked, what he thought about this birthday (he turned 56).  He mentioned a lot of things that he was thankful for, but the one that struck me the most, right in the heart, was he said the 50's have been the best decade of his life!  And it was amazing, but all of us around the table in our 50's started nodding our heads in agreement.  And we all got an immediate smile on our face!  It's SOOOO true!  The 50's ROCK!  And this past year, since my diagnosis, has been phenomenal.  WHODATHUNKIT?!?

So, if you are reading this, I just want to say THANK YOU!  This blog has gotten over 11,000 hits so far which absolutely BLOWS MY MIND!  THANK YOU!  

Thank you for being a Warrior.
Thank you for praying for me, it's working.
Thank you for every smile, thought, email, text, facebook post, card, gift, and happy moment!

I absolutely LOVE my beautiful life and every single person in it!

I could not love these two more....canNOT wait for them to get married!  





Bertha, you are not welcome here anymore.  

Always forward, never back,
,
Bubba
CEO of Save My Ass Technologies, Inc.     



A moment when Cancer did NOT suck

For the first time since I was diagnosed a year ago, Cancer did NOT suck....and it's because this happened:


 


Yes, I was stalked!  But in the best way possible!  CHRIS!  OMGosh!  The nurse who has touched me the deepest showed up (VERY UNEXPECTEDLY) at my maintenance treatment!  And not only that, she brought her BRAND NEW BABY and another one of her little beauties!  OMGosh!  All I could think was....
WHAT IS HAPPENING RIGHT NOW?!?! 
I DO NOT WANT TO BE ANYWHERE ELSE THAN RIGHT HERE, RIGHT NOW!
 LIFE IS BEAUTIFUL!
I was SOOOOO over the moon that it flowed right out of my eyes!  When the heart takes complete control of your body, those things just happen.  And it was freakin' AWESOME!

Bertha, you are not welcome here anymore.  Like, at all!  Nodda.  NOPE!

Always forward, never back,
,
Bubba
CEO of Save My Ass Technologies, Inc.

Thursday, June 29, 2017

Flowers are goooooood!

IMPOSSIBLE to be in a bad mood with these greeting me every day!
 




Yes, I'm a little partial to these and DEFINITELY planted them on purpose!  
LIME GREEN is such a beautiful color!  

Bertha, you are not welcome here anymore.  

Always forward, never back,
,
Bubba
CEO of Save My Ass Technologies, Inc.

This.




Bertha, you are not welcome here anymore.  

Always forward, never back,
,
Bubba
CEO of Save My Ass Technologies, Inc.