So, as far as my goal goes, ACHIEVED!
But then when I got home....I couldn't sleep. I was exhausted, but when I laid down I just could not sleep. I was restless, my mind was racing and suddenly I heard one of my therapists in my head telling me, "It's ok to have really low moments. Immerse yourself in them, completely. Feel it. Get mad. Get REALLY mad if that's what you're feeling. And then get over it.". So that's exactly what I did. I had myself a big ol' pity party....
I finally cried my heart out over this horrific diagnosis.
I cried about broken dreams from earlier this year....it was supposed to be the beginning of happily ever after!
I cried because I wanted to do a lot more agility training this year.
I cried because life is just throwing me one curve ball after another and it's getting hard to stay in front of them.
I cried because I should have run 15+ courses on Friday vs. 4.
I cried because I should have been having fun at dinner with my favorite Judge EVER instead of this damn pity party...
Then I turned the tears into happy ones....
I cried because my sister went with me to an agility trial because she's totally got my back.
I cried because I had agility friends give me presents, kisses on the head, and looks in the eye that said "I'm glad you're here, I got your back".
I cried because my little dog, although she was scared to death and I should have trained her more before entering her into an agility trial, stood by me and got me back into the thing I love most....DOG AGILITY.
I cried because, really, when you get down to it, I LOVE THIS LIFE!
Pity party over.
I feel much better.
Life, if you have more curve balls to throw at me, fine. Bring it. I've recharged my batteries and cleaned out my tear ducts. I'm good to go for a while again!
Yes, this first low nadir period is kicking my butt...but I'm going to pull thru it just fine.
I've totally got this...